Budgeting your time

I always hated the term "budgeting your time." Maybe because I never feel like I am budgeting my time well. Some days I am tired and don't do the dishes. Then, the next day, I am overwhelmed by all the dishes! Oye. It seems like a viscous cycle of not budgeting my time well. But lately I have been looking at "budgeting my time" differently. Not in a guilt-inducing way.

I was thinking about a financial budget and how we budget for two weeks. We map out what we need and what we want and make every dollar count. It reduces all the stress when it comes to finances so maybe I should start budgeting my time a little like that.

Lately, I have had the privilege of helping to coordinate a few weddings and it has blessed my heart. It was so fun to do something that I am actually good at and enjoy. It got me thinking, why don't I put things in my schedule that I enjoy and that I am good at? I really think that it would change the way I live and love my days.  So, I am going to start scheduling things like family dinners and date nights for a start. If I put it on the calendar, it will happen, rather than just hoping, one day, we find some "time." If time is like money, there is never enough!! You have to budget it and so I shall!

Cash is King

Dave Ramsey's tagline is "Cash is King, Debt is Dumb." Yeah, he has made a lot of money off of his programs but after really learning this concept and making it true in my life, I have SAVED lots of money. Cash is very visual and very tangible and it helps you to physically see what you are spending. I started budgeting money and put a number (say $50) for groceries for two weeks. I then took that money out of the bank in cash and put it in an envelope marked "Grocery." When I go to the grocery store, I take my envelope with me. Sometimes, I have to put items back or decide to only get one instead of two (but it's such a great deal!). It is not a great deal if you can't pay for it. This was very difficult at first but also so freeing!

Then there is that little snare called the debit card. It is like cash because it comes out of your account but it is visually like a credit card. So, should you use a debit card like cash? My answer is NO. Here is why:
-It does not have the visual impact of cash. If you want to budget $50 for groceries but see something you really like, you can still overspend.
-Did you know that you spend 10-18% MORE with a card (debit or credit) than cash? Don't you think there is a reason that banks have so many incentives to use your debit or credit card? Reward points galore! If we do the math, their reward is like 1% of what you spend and you are spending at least 10% more than you normally would. Who is really making out big here? IT'S NOT YOU!!! Don't be fooled by these "rewards." You would be way better off just using cash and putting 10% of what you spent in a savings account. I bet after a few months your "rewards" would be about 10 times what the bank would have given you and you wouldn't be forced to use it at a certain establishment (i.e. giftcard). You could spend it however you wanted!

Don't be fooled by all the incentives, USE CASH as much as you can. It will change your life! I know it did mine!

How many kids do you want?

Disclaimer: What I am about to say is counter-cultural. It is going to be uncomfortable. I know this because it makes me uncomfortable.

I've recently been reading a magazine called Above Rubies, which is mainly about birth and raising children. One recent article was written by a woman who had 4 kids and she and her husband decided they were done so he got a vasectomy. A few years later all of her children were killed in an accident. She suddenly found herself wanting another child but couldn't and she realized how she had taken her fertility for granted. This story has stuck with me for a while...enter me. 

After I had my second child, I was overwhelmed. I really didn't want another baby but there I was, pregnant for a third time. I cried a little wondering how I would ever manage three when I could hardly manage two. I came to grips with it all and was excited but still worried. Enter baby #3, Paul. He was just what I needed. His birth regulated my messed up hormones, his smiles delighted my heart and I was amazed! I could have never imagined that  three kids would be easier for me and such a blessing. I started to think how I would not have chosen this but God knew better. Thanks God! 

I was much more lax about a 4th baby, I mean, if God knew better with three, surely He'd know better with four. And it has been grand. Well, when you hit three and four kids, people start asking you how many kids you want. Me? I've always wanted 5. Yeah, I'm one kid away from being "done." There is a little hope for me! The light is at the end of the tunnel! Enter Genesis.

I cannot get over God's commands in Genesis to multiply and fill the Earth. He tells several people this. Why would He want that for His children? Has God ever told anyone NOT to have anymore kids? I didn't find that anywhere.

There were a few people I remember that did not trust God with their fertility and it didn't go so well. Sarah (Abraham's wife) gave him to her maid servant and Ishmael was born. He's the father of Islam, which had led generations of people away from The Lord.

How many kids do you WANT? In America, we act like we have this right to choose how many kids we want to have. The polite Christian way to say it is "We prayed about it and God says we are done. He knows we couldn't handle more." This has been my belief thus far. WE decide when we are done, after all, WE know ourselves best! Right...

Enter huge, ginormous wrestle with God. See, if you didn't know, having kids is HARD. I'm ready for some easy, ya know? I love babies, but I'm ready to get some sleep! Even as I read this, I realize how selfish I sound. I am all about me and my comfort and not about Gods plan. I mean, there are people who give up their actual life for the name of Christ. Maybe this is the American martyr...giving up our "freedom" to bring forth More children for Gods kingdom. Why were the Israelites so fertile?

I don't pretend to have fully embraced this logic. My spirit is still rebelling a little. The challenge is a great one and totally countercultural.

But do I want to go with the culture or with God? I do not want to have a lot of kids. I think the Duggars are cool but I just don't think I have it in me to have lots of kids. It's too much...for me to handle. But is it too great for God? If God asked me to have ten more kids, would I say yes? (Not that He is but...) Am I all in or not? Living a life of surrender means giving up the right to control my life and that includes my fertility. Oye.

I am not writing this to offend or convict anyone. I am writing this to help myself figure out this tugging in my heart. Your journey is your own. Seek Him first. Seek Him before your wants and visions of what you think your life should be.

I'm back!

Well I finally decided to take the plunge and figure out how to blog from my phone. Since we lost our Internet many many months ago, I have a hard time blogging. I have wrestled with the thought, "who would want to read what I have to say anyway?" A friend wrote a statement on Facebook the other day that really hit me though, she said, (this is not a direct quote) "I'm not important." And she found freedom in that, like it took the pressure off her. But I sat there and thought, "but you are important, and so am I." The devil tries to make us believe that we are not important. Maybe it is the middle child in me but so often I don't feel worthy of others time. I feel as though I don't have anything of value to share with others, after all, I am just a simple black sheep. I don't go with the flow just because; I research and learn all I can before I go against the grain. In the end, I usually go against the grain and feel like an outcast.

God has been showing me that I am not as bad as I make myself out to be. The girls and I have been watching the movie "The Princess Diaries," lately and in it a nerdy girl finds out she is actually a princess and has to decide to accept the role or not. Nothing changed in her accept the perception of herself. Am I living as though I am a daughter of the King (a princess) or as some frumpy nerd? Some good wrestles lately.

Some of my friends have done the one word for the year for a while and I decided to start this year. My word is just for me though, not my whole family. My word is LESS. When it came to me in a quiet time, I thought, "well that is a strange one word." However, it is very fitting for where I am at in life. LESS of me. I think it was Paul that talked about how we need to become less and less so God can be more and more. I can't quite find the verse yet. God's been showing me that I need to back off. Ever since I've had kids, I've decided to take the reigns. Every now and then I will loosen my grip on the reigns for God but never totally give them over. I have felt this in my soul for a while but didn't know how to fix it. Well this is the year! Less of me making decisions, less of me worrying and fretting, less of me trying to control my world around me and more of God taking the lead. Less of my input and more praying for Gods input and wisdom.

Some of my practical LESS goals this year are as follows:

Physical-less of me physically (especially after just having a baby!) by training to run a 5k at the end of April-the maple syrup festival 5k! Anyone want to join?!

Spiritual-read thru the bible in a year. I've never done this before. Less time online, more time in the word.

Mental-read thru 6 books this year. Less time online, more time reading. 

When I want to relax and checkout, I'll watch a movie or go online. At some point though, those can become my comfort rather than the Lord and I run to them more and more and God less and less. I begin to check out of life. Time to check back in! Do you have a one word that guides you thru this next year?

The Physician

Well it has been a very hard month for our family. We have been passing colds around and it feels like I've been helping child after child battle fever after fever and coughing fits. Just when I thought that we were all done, Paul got a fever the other day. Only this fever put life into perspective for me.

Paul skipped his nap for the day and then we went to a friends house for the evening. We got back a little late and I had noticed him getting flushed at their house.  Many people were flushed as well because it was warm in their house. When we got home he was still flushed so I gave him some Motrin to bring his fever down. I nursed him and all of the sudden his body started shaking.  If you've ever had a bad fever, sometimes your body will shiver in response to a fever. It seemed like this could be the case until after that he had a blank stare on his face. I tried to get him to respond to me but he wouldn't. I took him into my room and stripped him (I figured this was in response to the fever). I called for John and asked for an ambulance. He got the kids ready to go to grandmas and as I looked at my precious son, I just knelt and prayed for him. I took him downstairs to get him ready to head out and he snapped out of it (this all took place over about 2 min-it was a busy 2 min!). I was holding him and observing him, not sure of what just happened. I was able to quickly look up what took place which was what I believe to be a febrile seizure. (It said that they were not a big deal and wouldn't cause any damage).

If you've never had a life or death experience where you weren't sure if someone you love is actually going to die (Paul has given me 2 scares already!), it is a terrifying thing. Looking back, I am glad that I was able to turn to God in the moment.  Often I wonder, if put to the test, have I trained myself enough to turn to Him? Most of the time I feel like I haven't.

It has given me a new respect for life and for my kids. It has also given me a quest to figure out how to get garlic into a baby for healing! My sister is a nurse and she did not like the fact that I didn't take him to the E.R. right away. I only go to the E.R. when absolutely necessary. After reading up on febrile seizures, I felt that I didn't need to take him. We just stayed up all night and observed him ourselves rather than taking him to a hospital to observe him with needles and machines (and a HUGE bill!). He has been fine. I always struggle with those decisions to seek medical help or not. I just prayed. "Lord, give me widsom as to what to do right now." My heart said to keep him home (which was the right decision in the end). The pediatrician said to watch  him if he had another one then do something. What I am trying to get to is that I serve a greater Physician and I really believe that he will guide me. This experience has greatly helped my faith in Christ (as I think it is my hardest challenge).
Thank you Lord for the challenges in life. Glad that is over...

A Taxing Life

Well, I would like to write more than I do but lately I have been learning to prepare taxes for low income seniors. Two weeks of intense training and each day my brain has been fried. Who knew the government could make such a confusing system! Actually it is not so bad, it is just learning about all of these different financial institutions and how the state differs from the Feds. Oye!

It has been fun to be out of the house and to be challenged mentally again. I haven't had this since college! I have learned several things in my tax-aide adventure.

1) I need to slow down. I have been in a class with seniors, led by seniors. Let's just say that it is very relaxed and slow paced. I want to get stuff done usually, but I have been enjoying just having a slower paced class.

2) I cannot imagine being a working mother. I have been blessed to stay home with my children. I have to be reminded of this often though! It was good to get a taste of what it would be like to even work part time with my kids. My sister-in-law, Rebekah, came and stayed and watched my kids for me (such a blessing) but I felt like I didn't know what was going on with them. Why were they cranky? Did they not eat enough for lunch? Did they not take a long enough nap? I felt so out of synch with them.  You really don't realize how much you miss of your kids lives if you work. It was good to be reminded (as many times I wish that I could just get away!). I guess the grass really ISN'T greener on the other side.

3) Senior centers are cool and I am totally hanging out there when I am old.

Ok, gotta get back to the babes. Naptime is almost over :(

Fellowship

Well my 40 days came and went! I had hoped to blog more about it but our internet has been down for several weeks! We have enjoyed a lot of fellowship with family and friends this past month and I am so greatful for all those that God has put in my path.  My biggest issue is that I just wish I could be around everyone all the time!  God's blessing to me this past year, Paul Robert Derby, turned 1! Wow! Where has the year gone?

So what did 40 days teach me? Oh so much! I may need to take several posts and write what I would have written these past few weeks! Today I will write about fellowship though.

I was fortunate enough to get to work at Bair Lake Bible Camp for a few years right out of college.  I think most people who work in camp ministry for any length of time absolutely love it...but why? It is nice to know that you are making impact but I think it is more about the fellowship you experience there. I think that it is a piece of what God designed us to be like and a piece of what Heaven will be like. (How's that for a camp ministry plug!) ;) When I joined my former church, Mt. Pleasant Community Church, back in 2000, the pastor talked about the Acts 2 community.  Here is a piece of what he was talking about (although I recommend reading the whole chapter for context).

"Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe...they began selling their property and possessions and sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved." Acts 2:43-47

Why was this "church" so fruitful? Why were so many coming to know Him? I think that when you can feel the love of God through people, it helps you see Him more clearly. This world tells us that we are worthless mess-ups. That we will never get it right.  Many Christ-followers, including myself, wrestle with the feeling of never being good enough.  I have learned that I focus so much on how not perfect I am and so little on how very perfect God is.

FELLOWSHIP. Isn't it our hearts deepest longing? I know that it is mine. I long for friends to have dinner with or trade babysitting with or take a walk with. I long for fellowship of kindred spirits. I whine a lot about this to my husband. I just don't make friends that easily and so moving is a VERY hard thing on me. It takes years to just get one friend. Ug. We've been going to a home church once a month and the fellowship is so much better than at a standard "church." I miss doing life with people.  I long for a community of believers to just simply live life with. But in all of this, with all that I long for in these friendships...how much do I long for fellowship with the Savior? I am fairly convinced that God keeps people away from me so I will run to Him. 

Setting aside 40 days to commit to running to Him has changed me. I did not complete all that I wanted to.  The chaos of life snuck up on me for a while but I stuck it out. And the beauty of it is? I don't have to stop! There is a fierce battle within me for my heart. More and more I am learning about TODAY. Just run to Him today. Don't worry about all the times you didn't run to Him in the past, don't worry that you will mess up tomorrow...just run to Him today. Fellowship with the one true Almighty God today.

Run (don't walk!) to Him today. He is longing for you to know Him.

-kristin